My Best Friend's Wedding

I don't know why I waited this long to post this, but I wanted to share some pictures from Rachel's wedding (8/12/06). I was honored to be a bridesmaid and I was so proud and moved during the weekend (especially the ceremony). :-) I thought I was fine, but then when she started walking down the isle my eyes totally filled up with tears. It's hard to explain watching one of the most important people in your life do one of the most important things in their life. I had a similar feeling at Abby's wedding last year, too. Rachel and I have been like sisters, though, so it was a little different. It's bittersweet because you know you have to let go a little bit, but you're so happy for them at the same time. Anyway, I'll stop babbling and just say CONGRATULATIONS RACHEL AND JASON!! Doesn't she (don't they) look beautiful? =) Ahh! Praise God!









So yeah, I'll add captions tomorrow... or whenever. :-) YAY!

My First Box

That same day I also had my first bite of string cheese. I love it at Kelli's house.

Sammy, Sammy, Sammy! Kitty, kitty,kitty!

So, I've had this precious little creature for about 6 weeks, but I haven't mentioned it yet. I named her Samantha Muffy Kruser, after our old kitty, Muffy, who had to be put to slee a couple of months ago. Sammy is enjoying the use of Muffy's litter box, feeder, and cat carrier. She's a lot bigger than she was in these pictures already, but she's still little and cute. She's crazy, actually, but I'm told there's not kitten who isn't. She's a great addition to my home and she likes to sleep on me. Cats can be so cuddly - I love it.

In other news, I'm going to start writing a series of dreams that I've had since I've been walking with the Lord and posting them on here. They are important and they explain a lot about where I am right now and what God is doing. Hopefully they will encourage you, as well.

I should also mention that Ben and I broke up because we we both sense a need to be in a deeper place with Jesus than we have been and we knew we needed to get there apart from one another. We did fall in love and we wanted to get married, but we must lay it aside right now and chose to place Jesus first above all things. For both of us, our hope is that the Lord would bring this around in the time he sees fit and that we will be together one day, but we are laying it down, letting it go. We would rather have Jesus first, whatever it takes. Your prayers for both of us would be much appreciated.

May you be blessed today and find the peace of Christ in your life.

Life's Little Lessons

I was talking with Dereck the other day and for some reason I remembered this little story from last summer:

I decided to head out for a power walk walk around my neighborhood at around 9:00p.m. in late June or July. I lived in a complex that was right next to this newer subdivision that was well-lighted, so I felt safe. I also felt safe to leave my door unlocked because I was only going to be gone for a half hour. (And by unlocked, I mean light on and the door wide open - anyone could have walked in my screen door. )

Anyway, I went out strong, getting my heart rate up, you know. So I walked all the way to the end of the main drag in the subdivision, but had only been gone 15 minutes. Instead of coming back the way I came, I thought "I'll just take one of these side streets, I'm sure it will loop back around to this one." WRONG! Hello, Kelli, it's housing development, individualized, white pavement, sod-lawned, designed for looks - not for practicality - America! I ended up just getting looped and twisted around for the next 45 minutes. I was still too stubborn to go back, so I kept trying to find new ways to get back to the main drag, each time thinking "this one's gotta go there eventually."

I was tromping along and walked by this house one of Missy's kids showed me when I dropped him off last summer. I realized that I had looped and twisted myself all the way around this marsh that I lived by and I was probably about 2 miles from my house, as the crow flies, but there were no roads that would take me there quickly. What had I done?! I eventually had to stop for 10 minutes and rest because I was exhausted. I had also been fasting that day, so it made the situation even worse. I was so hungry and sooo tired! I kept thinking, "if someone kills me and doesn't take my ring, that's how they'll identify my body." :p

Alas, I stood up and started back tracking - what I should have done a long time ago. After a long time, I ended up back that the road that I knew and that I needed to be on to get home! Whew! I guess I got home at about 11:00-11:15, maybe. Heidi had been working at Wal-Mart, so she wasn't quite home yet, either. I was able to thoroughly (and nervously) look through the house for any predators. Trust me, it looked like I had never left and I found no such villain lurking. Whew! (again) Boy, did I get lucky.

Anyway, that was a crazy experience and rather humorous at the time. I sure miss my homemade tie-dyed shirt I was wearing. :-( I felt at the time like it was just culminating the feeling of living in a new city - always thinking you've finally got an area figured out, only to realize that your knowledge was limited to one road. I tried to find some spiritual significance in the experience, as well. All I really ever came up with was that when we're stubborn and ignore wisdom, we're prone to walk and walk in circles, never getting where we need to be, only tiring ourselves in the process. If we find ourselves tangled, tired, and hungry sitting on a curb in the middle of white suburbia, all we have to do is humble ourselves, and go back whence we came. Wow, that makes too much sense right now...

Here I am, Lord.

A Couple of Hotties in IL

This was taken last weekend at TP's Wedding. Ben was an usher, but for the record, I was invited independently. ;D

I/we had a good weekend, although there was a lot of hustling around and we were stranded in the middle of northwest Illinois. :)

CONGRATULATIONS MR. AND MRS. PRINCE! (not that they'll ever read this... which is exactly why there's a picture of us and not them. :p)

Fun weekend, boring to talk about

This past weekend:

Friday night - picked up steaks for Dad at the store and drove to Platteville. Hung out with family and boyfriend.
Saturday - Ran some errands, made coleslaw, helped mom out, FAMILY REUNION. That was fun. I hit better than my brother in wiffle ball and I broke a ball (yes!). I also sang karaoke with my little cousins and my sister and it was hilarious. Later on I went to Ben's, chatted with his dad, watched a John Wayne movie, and ate pizza. :p
Sunday - Slept in. :-/ Gave said steaks to Dad for Father's Day. Went to picnic with my dad's side of the family at Lake Joy. My little cousins and I caught like 15 bluegills as big as my hand. I should have brought some home with me! They would have been good for dinner. :)

A lot of people have way more interesting lives than I do. ;^)

A Note

Graduation

Sucker for a Love Story

Well, here I am on another lunch break. People kept asking me if I was coming to lunch (in the lunch room, that is) and I was like "no, I want to eat by myself today." Sometimes I just don't want to go to the lunch room, I'd rather sit at my desk or another office and eat by myself. I know what you're thinking "you don't want to talk to anyone, so you're talking to everyone?" No, I do not believe writing on your blog counts as talking to people.

Man, the lady in the cube next to me is almost always on the phone, half the time it's work related.

I've been finding myself reading these silly dating articles on MSN after I check my hotmail lately. I find them all so humorous. Some of them are touching. Some of them are flat-out lame. Like today, they were giving tips to divorcees on how to get back into the dating pool, but the title of the article clearly implied that they were talking about "break-ups." Breaking up and divorcing are different, if you ask me. Anyway, then there was this other one about avoiding your ex (bf or gf, that is) in public. Funny. I guess I'm a sucker for a love story.

Speaking of love stories, I'm dating now. I almost made it 3 years (dangit!). Ben, my NEW boyfriend, says I can borrow a few of his months (over 4 years) to add to mine to make it a full three. What a nice guy. We've been dating 15 days now. (That seems like a long time... maybe it's because it's compared to the 3 years I haven't been dating leading up to this?)

So dating is interesting. I'm suddenly reminded of why people do the silly things they do and say the *stupid* things they say when they're dating. I had forgotten. They don't seem so stupid anymore because now I want to do them and I want to say them! I kind of surprise myself! I'm all "oh, I just thought that (or said that). I HATE it when people say stuff like that. It's so lame." ;-) I guess I had forgotten that love (not that I'm in love yet, but you know, the potential) is good, dating is good, making a fool out of yourself and getting all girly about a person is good, etc. Really, I just think being with Ben is good. =) Also, I suddenly have this new thing in my already busy schedule and I'm kind of going "okay, now how's this gonna' work?", but the fact is I want it to work, so I will make the time. In addition, it's going to be long-distance, so I will have to consider the gas thing in my budget (good thing I'm car pooling now, hey?). 70 miles to Milwaukee is not so bad.

Anyway, yes, being with Ben is good. We've been such good friends for the last 3 years, so it's nice not to have to do that whole "I gotta' impress them" thing nobody ever means to do. If we did that, we'd completely see through it because we already know each other so well. We have both been praying about each other for 2+ years now, but we had never talked about it till this winter. That's pretty crazy - and cool. (Pause, I did tell him once last spring that I had become attached and wanted to know how he felt. He said that although he had feelings in the past, he wasn't interested at the time and he didn't think he'd be interested in the future, either, but added "but I'm not sure about a lot of things right now", which was an out-of-character comment for him. After that, I let go of the idea and tried to let go of the hope, but the fact that I felt drawn to him and was attracted to him did not go away.) So this winter he approached me and we eventually began talking about it. It turns out that he had liked me for 2 years also, and he had a theory/explanation for where he was last spring that made sense to me. Through the course of our conversations we realized we really wanted to, or needed to, date in order to find out if we really could marry each other or not, but when we prayed about it, God said "Not yet." So we let it go, possibly forever. Our good friendship remained and surprisingly, it never got weird and we truly stopped talking about it. We both felt that if we would ever revisit our conversations, it would be months away. Little did we know...

Apparently Ben got to this place a few weeks later where he just realized that he wanted to be with me and he didn't want to be without me any longer. :-) He also felt like, although he's moving and starting a new job in a new city soon, he wasn't interested in dating any other girl - I was the only one he wanted. He actually said "I got to this point where I realized I didn't WANT anything else." I realize this sounds conceited, or whatever, but I'm just telling you like it is. It's a blessing and a gift, not a result of anything that I've done. I feel so blessed. :) So anyway, he brought it up to me and we talked for HOURS about. I saw no reason to postpone it any longer, but said that my "yes" was a tentative "yes" because we needed to seek God for a few days on it. Both of us did that and God confirmed to us individually that he was giving this to us as a gift and that we were now free to date... My goodness! :-)

I've been learning so much already. Not dating till I knew I was ready and it was the right person was the best dating decision I could have ever made. I'm not saying we're getting married, but I can see that God's hand is in this and is guiding this, which means that it's going to be good, no matter what the outcome. I'm not banking on marriage, but I'm banking that it's going to be a good process, either way. I closed an e-mail to Ben last week this way:

I am praying about our relationship. I want to keep doing this the right way. (Romans 12:1-3, 9-12) I guess I just feel like whichever way this turns out, I want to do it with honor. If I get to keep you, I want to deserve it. If I don't, I want you to be a better man because of it and I want to be a more Godly woman. At the end of the day, there's no point to it unless we understand God better and fall more in love with Jesus. Therefore I will pray and ask God to be near to us, to speak to us, and to be Lord over this process... and I have faith that he will because of his grace and lovingkindness.

That is how I feel and that's how I want it to stay.

Toute la gloire à Dieu.

Carpooling Rules!

It's 4:33p.m. and I will be leaving the office in 7 minutes. It's been a long time since I've left work this early (especially on a Monday). For the past 9 months or so I've been coming into work at 9:00 and leaving at 5:30. Although this sounds great because I can sleep in later, I've found that I don't like getting off that late because it cuts into my evening activities, yet I haven't been able to be self-motivated enough to do anything about it.

Last week a guy in the office e-mailed a few people he heard lived near him and now I'm in a carpooling group. There are only three of us, but that means that I don't drive at least 2 weeks out of the month. HOLY GAS SAVING, BATMAN!! and we get into work at about 8:10 and leave at about 4:40. It's just the motivation I needed...

So, pros to my carpool:
1. I got TONS done today at work! Way more than I usually do.
2. I beat my boss into work. :-)
3. It was quieter than normal in the office for the first 30 minutes.
4. Better coffee (someone shared their own fresh-ground beans with me)
5. Less than 3 voicemails and 5 e-mails waiting to open this morning.
6. People to talk to in the car.
7. I'm leaving now (4:40pm).

Cons:
1. Earlier bedtime.
2. Others depending on me not to sleep through my alarm clock.
3. No vote on radio station at least 2 weeks out of the month. ;-)

So all in all, CARPOOLING RULES!!

"A Prayer of Barenness"

"A Prayer of Barenness"
Dana Candler

My heart aches. I love Him, yes, but faintly.
I desire Him, yes, but weakly.
I want Him, true, but waiveringly.
Even the pain that lies within
I reconize to be such faint pain,
A mere discomfort next to the heart-wrenching anguish
That grips true lovers
My knowledge is nothing. My wisdom, infancy.
I see nothing as it truly is.
Eternity what is light. The life of earth what is dark.
Stories remain stories. Not sinking deep within my soul,
And scarring me with Divine invasion
Your cross is a picture, Your Heaven a fantasy.
Tears are sweet emotions, moved by Your sacrifice.
But not the tears of sharing in Your sufferings.
I say your name so sweetly but do not know its Face.
All I am is far. So distant, so removed.
But you beckon me come.
Yet, my Lord, I am nothing. I have nothing. I know nothing.
When I thought I had something,
It dissolved before Your beauty,
And I was left naked. Possessing nothing.
Poor for words. Empty of all. Needy and alone.
Even so, my Love, call me.
Yes, do not leave me here but beckon me come.
Though I have nothing, though I am only poor,
I cast myself on your unfailing love
Where else would I go?
Whom have I but You?

A New Post!

So you might be wondering "what I've been up to lately and what I've been thinking about," eh? Well, I'm on my lunch break, so I'll tell ya.

Life since the fire has been difficult on varying levels. I feel like I'm always busy and never organized. I did have a week a couple weeks ago where I finally felt mostly back to normal, but I need to start picking up the pace again because I want to get my room looking like a real bedroom again. I still don't really have furniture in there besides my bed and I'm tired of stuff being in organized piles against the wall. I will begin to get that taken care of this weekend. Emotionally, I sometimes still grieve, but not so much for the stuff... for the other parts. I felt like I should at least mention something about the fire, but I still don't have much to say about that right now. It's so complex.

Work has its ups and downs. I have this sort of love/hate relationship with my job. Some days I love what I'm doing and I feel like I'm doing a great job, and other days I hate the tasks at hand and/or I feel like there is way too much to do and I'll never in a million years get it done (then I feel like "I quit!"). :-) I guess it's a matter of continued focus. "Keep on keepin' on." But I am beginning to consider when I want to leave and move on to something else and what that something else might be. I feel that it's okay to begin thinking about it more seriously since I've been here 14 months already and I'm still relatively young. (ha ha) :-)

The House of Prayer has been pretty cool. God's spirit is pouring out more and more in the House, in the lives of the worshipers, and in the city. It's pretty awesome. I wish I could figure out if I feel more called there, or into ministry with people. Even if I were to go on campus staff, or some other organization, I think that the prayer room would still be a big part of where I spent my time and attention, but I don't know if I'm a "for the rest of my life" kind of Anna. I guess what I'm saying is that if I spend 40 hours a week in the prayer room, where is my context for developing relationships with people? I mean, I'd obviously develop relationships with other worshipers and lots of folks in the House, but what about discipling new believers? What about making relationships with those who don't know him? What about teaching and preaching (since I desire to do both those things one day)? How does it all fit? I guess I just feel like having a job (or something?), even part time would be a means to do the outreach I want to do, but I want to be spiritually based in my church and the prayer room. I'm totally a "millennial" generation-er. I have all these dreams and ambitions, I'm an idealist, and I don't know how to make any of it all fit together. :-) Being a Gen X-er was so much easier. (ha ha... what do I know about that?)

Okay, I ran out of time. More later.