Life's Little Lessons

I was talking with Dereck the other day and for some reason I remembered this little story from last summer:

I decided to head out for a power walk walk around my neighborhood at around 9:00p.m. in late June or July. I lived in a complex that was right next to this newer subdivision that was well-lighted, so I felt safe. I also felt safe to leave my door unlocked because I was only going to be gone for a half hour. (And by unlocked, I mean light on and the door wide open - anyone could have walked in my screen door. )

Anyway, I went out strong, getting my heart rate up, you know. So I walked all the way to the end of the main drag in the subdivision, but had only been gone 15 minutes. Instead of coming back the way I came, I thought "I'll just take one of these side streets, I'm sure it will loop back around to this one." WRONG! Hello, Kelli, it's housing development, individualized, white pavement, sod-lawned, designed for looks - not for practicality - America! I ended up just getting looped and twisted around for the next 45 minutes. I was still too stubborn to go back, so I kept trying to find new ways to get back to the main drag, each time thinking "this one's gotta go there eventually."

I was tromping along and walked by this house one of Missy's kids showed me when I dropped him off last summer. I realized that I had looped and twisted myself all the way around this marsh that I lived by and I was probably about 2 miles from my house, as the crow flies, but there were no roads that would take me there quickly. What had I done?! I eventually had to stop for 10 minutes and rest because I was exhausted. I had also been fasting that day, so it made the situation even worse. I was so hungry and sooo tired! I kept thinking, "if someone kills me and doesn't take my ring, that's how they'll identify my body." :p

Alas, I stood up and started back tracking - what I should have done a long time ago. After a long time, I ended up back that the road that I knew and that I needed to be on to get home! Whew! I guess I got home at about 11:00-11:15, maybe. Heidi had been working at Wal-Mart, so she wasn't quite home yet, either. I was able to thoroughly (and nervously) look through the house for any predators. Trust me, it looked like I had never left and I found no such villain lurking. Whew! (again) Boy, did I get lucky.

Anyway, that was a crazy experience and rather humorous at the time. I sure miss my homemade tie-dyed shirt I was wearing. :-( I felt at the time like it was just culminating the feeling of living in a new city - always thinking you've finally got an area figured out, only to realize that your knowledge was limited to one road. I tried to find some spiritual significance in the experience, as well. All I really ever came up with was that when we're stubborn and ignore wisdom, we're prone to walk and walk in circles, never getting where we need to be, only tiring ourselves in the process. If we find ourselves tangled, tired, and hungry sitting on a curb in the middle of white suburbia, all we have to do is humble ourselves, and go back whence we came. Wow, that makes too much sense right now...

Here I am, Lord.

A Couple of Hotties in IL

This was taken last weekend at TP's Wedding. Ben was an usher, but for the record, I was invited independently. ;D

I/we had a good weekend, although there was a lot of hustling around and we were stranded in the middle of northwest Illinois. :)

CONGRATULATIONS MR. AND MRS. PRINCE! (not that they'll ever read this... which is exactly why there's a picture of us and not them. :p)

Fun weekend, boring to talk about

This past weekend:

Friday night - picked up steaks for Dad at the store and drove to Platteville. Hung out with family and boyfriend.
Saturday - Ran some errands, made coleslaw, helped mom out, FAMILY REUNION. That was fun. I hit better than my brother in wiffle ball and I broke a ball (yes!). I also sang karaoke with my little cousins and my sister and it was hilarious. Later on I went to Ben's, chatted with his dad, watched a John Wayne movie, and ate pizza. :p
Sunday - Slept in. :-/ Gave said steaks to Dad for Father's Day. Went to picnic with my dad's side of the family at Lake Joy. My little cousins and I caught like 15 bluegills as big as my hand. I should have brought some home with me! They would have been good for dinner. :)

A lot of people have way more interesting lives than I do. ;^)

A Note

Graduation

Sucker for a Love Story

Well, here I am on another lunch break. People kept asking me if I was coming to lunch (in the lunch room, that is) and I was like "no, I want to eat by myself today." Sometimes I just don't want to go to the lunch room, I'd rather sit at my desk or another office and eat by myself. I know what you're thinking "you don't want to talk to anyone, so you're talking to everyone?" No, I do not believe writing on your blog counts as talking to people.

Man, the lady in the cube next to me is almost always on the phone, half the time it's work related.

I've been finding myself reading these silly dating articles on MSN after I check my hotmail lately. I find them all so humorous. Some of them are touching. Some of them are flat-out lame. Like today, they were giving tips to divorcees on how to get back into the dating pool, but the title of the article clearly implied that they were talking about "break-ups." Breaking up and divorcing are different, if you ask me. Anyway, then there was this other one about avoiding your ex (bf or gf, that is) in public. Funny. I guess I'm a sucker for a love story.

Speaking of love stories, I'm dating now. I almost made it 3 years (dangit!). Ben, my NEW boyfriend, says I can borrow a few of his months (over 4 years) to add to mine to make it a full three. What a nice guy. We've been dating 15 days now. (That seems like a long time... maybe it's because it's compared to the 3 years I haven't been dating leading up to this?)

So dating is interesting. I'm suddenly reminded of why people do the silly things they do and say the *stupid* things they say when they're dating. I had forgotten. They don't seem so stupid anymore because now I want to do them and I want to say them! I kind of surprise myself! I'm all "oh, I just thought that (or said that). I HATE it when people say stuff like that. It's so lame." ;-) I guess I had forgotten that love (not that I'm in love yet, but you know, the potential) is good, dating is good, making a fool out of yourself and getting all girly about a person is good, etc. Really, I just think being with Ben is good. =) Also, I suddenly have this new thing in my already busy schedule and I'm kind of going "okay, now how's this gonna' work?", but the fact is I want it to work, so I will make the time. In addition, it's going to be long-distance, so I will have to consider the gas thing in my budget (good thing I'm car pooling now, hey?). 70 miles to Milwaukee is not so bad.

Anyway, yes, being with Ben is good. We've been such good friends for the last 3 years, so it's nice not to have to do that whole "I gotta' impress them" thing nobody ever means to do. If we did that, we'd completely see through it because we already know each other so well. We have both been praying about each other for 2+ years now, but we had never talked about it till this winter. That's pretty crazy - and cool. (Pause, I did tell him once last spring that I had become attached and wanted to know how he felt. He said that although he had feelings in the past, he wasn't interested at the time and he didn't think he'd be interested in the future, either, but added "but I'm not sure about a lot of things right now", which was an out-of-character comment for him. After that, I let go of the idea and tried to let go of the hope, but the fact that I felt drawn to him and was attracted to him did not go away.) So this winter he approached me and we eventually began talking about it. It turns out that he had liked me for 2 years also, and he had a theory/explanation for where he was last spring that made sense to me. Through the course of our conversations we realized we really wanted to, or needed to, date in order to find out if we really could marry each other or not, but when we prayed about it, God said "Not yet." So we let it go, possibly forever. Our good friendship remained and surprisingly, it never got weird and we truly stopped talking about it. We both felt that if we would ever revisit our conversations, it would be months away. Little did we know...

Apparently Ben got to this place a few weeks later where he just realized that he wanted to be with me and he didn't want to be without me any longer. :-) He also felt like, although he's moving and starting a new job in a new city soon, he wasn't interested in dating any other girl - I was the only one he wanted. He actually said "I got to this point where I realized I didn't WANT anything else." I realize this sounds conceited, or whatever, but I'm just telling you like it is. It's a blessing and a gift, not a result of anything that I've done. I feel so blessed. :) So anyway, he brought it up to me and we talked for HOURS about. I saw no reason to postpone it any longer, but said that my "yes" was a tentative "yes" because we needed to seek God for a few days on it. Both of us did that and God confirmed to us individually that he was giving this to us as a gift and that we were now free to date... My goodness! :-)

I've been learning so much already. Not dating till I knew I was ready and it was the right person was the best dating decision I could have ever made. I'm not saying we're getting married, but I can see that God's hand is in this and is guiding this, which means that it's going to be good, no matter what the outcome. I'm not banking on marriage, but I'm banking that it's going to be a good process, either way. I closed an e-mail to Ben last week this way:

I am praying about our relationship. I want to keep doing this the right way. (Romans 12:1-3, 9-12) I guess I just feel like whichever way this turns out, I want to do it with honor. If I get to keep you, I want to deserve it. If I don't, I want you to be a better man because of it and I want to be a more Godly woman. At the end of the day, there's no point to it unless we understand God better and fall more in love with Jesus. Therefore I will pray and ask God to be near to us, to speak to us, and to be Lord over this process... and I have faith that he will because of his grace and lovingkindness.

That is how I feel and that's how I want it to stay.

Toute la gloire à Dieu.

Carpooling Rules!

It's 4:33p.m. and I will be leaving the office in 7 minutes. It's been a long time since I've left work this early (especially on a Monday). For the past 9 months or so I've been coming into work at 9:00 and leaving at 5:30. Although this sounds great because I can sleep in later, I've found that I don't like getting off that late because it cuts into my evening activities, yet I haven't been able to be self-motivated enough to do anything about it.

Last week a guy in the office e-mailed a few people he heard lived near him and now I'm in a carpooling group. There are only three of us, but that means that I don't drive at least 2 weeks out of the month. HOLY GAS SAVING, BATMAN!! and we get into work at about 8:10 and leave at about 4:40. It's just the motivation I needed...

So, pros to my carpool:
1. I got TONS done today at work! Way more than I usually do.
2. I beat my boss into work. :-)
3. It was quieter than normal in the office for the first 30 minutes.
4. Better coffee (someone shared their own fresh-ground beans with me)
5. Less than 3 voicemails and 5 e-mails waiting to open this morning.
6. People to talk to in the car.
7. I'm leaving now (4:40pm).

Cons:
1. Earlier bedtime.
2. Others depending on me not to sleep through my alarm clock.
3. No vote on radio station at least 2 weeks out of the month. ;-)

So all in all, CARPOOLING RULES!!

"A Prayer of Barenness"

"A Prayer of Barenness"
Dana Candler

My heart aches. I love Him, yes, but faintly.
I desire Him, yes, but weakly.
I want Him, true, but waiveringly.
Even the pain that lies within
I reconize to be such faint pain,
A mere discomfort next to the heart-wrenching anguish
That grips true lovers
My knowledge is nothing. My wisdom, infancy.
I see nothing as it truly is.
Eternity what is light. The life of earth what is dark.
Stories remain stories. Not sinking deep within my soul,
And scarring me with Divine invasion
Your cross is a picture, Your Heaven a fantasy.
Tears are sweet emotions, moved by Your sacrifice.
But not the tears of sharing in Your sufferings.
I say your name so sweetly but do not know its Face.
All I am is far. So distant, so removed.
But you beckon me come.
Yet, my Lord, I am nothing. I have nothing. I know nothing.
When I thought I had something,
It dissolved before Your beauty,
And I was left naked. Possessing nothing.
Poor for words. Empty of all. Needy and alone.
Even so, my Love, call me.
Yes, do not leave me here but beckon me come.
Though I have nothing, though I am only poor,
I cast myself on your unfailing love
Where else would I go?
Whom have I but You?

A New Post!

So you might be wondering "what I've been up to lately and what I've been thinking about," eh? Well, I'm on my lunch break, so I'll tell ya.

Life since the fire has been difficult on varying levels. I feel like I'm always busy and never organized. I did have a week a couple weeks ago where I finally felt mostly back to normal, but I need to start picking up the pace again because I want to get my room looking like a real bedroom again. I still don't really have furniture in there besides my bed and I'm tired of stuff being in organized piles against the wall. I will begin to get that taken care of this weekend. Emotionally, I sometimes still grieve, but not so much for the stuff... for the other parts. I felt like I should at least mention something about the fire, but I still don't have much to say about that right now. It's so complex.

Work has its ups and downs. I have this sort of love/hate relationship with my job. Some days I love what I'm doing and I feel like I'm doing a great job, and other days I hate the tasks at hand and/or I feel like there is way too much to do and I'll never in a million years get it done (then I feel like "I quit!"). :-) I guess it's a matter of continued focus. "Keep on keepin' on." But I am beginning to consider when I want to leave and move on to something else and what that something else might be. I feel that it's okay to begin thinking about it more seriously since I've been here 14 months already and I'm still relatively young. (ha ha) :-)

The House of Prayer has been pretty cool. God's spirit is pouring out more and more in the House, in the lives of the worshipers, and in the city. It's pretty awesome. I wish I could figure out if I feel more called there, or into ministry with people. Even if I were to go on campus staff, or some other organization, I think that the prayer room would still be a big part of where I spent my time and attention, but I don't know if I'm a "for the rest of my life" kind of Anna. I guess what I'm saying is that if I spend 40 hours a week in the prayer room, where is my context for developing relationships with people? I mean, I'd obviously develop relationships with other worshipers and lots of folks in the House, but what about discipling new believers? What about making relationships with those who don't know him? What about teaching and preaching (since I desire to do both those things one day)? How does it all fit? I guess I just feel like having a job (or something?), even part time would be a means to do the outreach I want to do, but I want to be spiritually based in my church and the prayer room. I'm totally a "millennial" generation-er. I have all these dreams and ambitions, I'm an idealist, and I don't know how to make any of it all fit together. :-) Being a Gen X-er was so much easier. (ha ha... what do I know about that?)

Okay, I ran out of time. More later.

2009

After realizing I had lost my senior year yearbook in the fire (so sad - never a chance again to read the goofy things people wrote):

Tom says:
When you lose special things they are gone but the things you put in their place can mean just as much when done just right.
Kelli says:
i guess
Kelli says:
maybe i could see if there were any way possible i could get a replacement, then have people sign it at my 10-year
Tom says:
Good plan
Kelli says:
"kelli, i don't remember you, but i'm sorry about your hurricane, or fire or whatever. i hope this cheers you up. I can't believe you're not married yet. your friend, Class Mate"
Tom says:
There ya go :-)

Sounds like a plan to me.

Songs on the Mind

Putting it very simply for now, I lost almost everything I have and almost everything I own in a fire on Saturday night. I was out of town, but my roommate was almost killed. All praise, thanks, and honor to God that she is okay. (Tears)

These songs have been running through my mind lately (special phrases in bold):

"Held" ~ Natalie Grant
Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.


"Trusting the Angels" ~ Jason Upton
I’m just a bird with a melody to sing
I’m hardly heard look at these tiny little wings
But I can see an arrow flying and I’m not afraid
I can hear the terror try to steal the night away
And I’m not afraid I’m not afraid

I am hiding here in your shadow
Riding under your wings
And I am flying trusting the angels
And living in your covering
And I’m not afraid, I’m not afraid

I’m just a bird without a penny to my name
It may sound absurd I’ve got no plans beyond today
But I can see an arrow flying and I’m not afraid
I can hear the terror try to steal the night away
But I’m not afraid, I am not afraid

I am hiding here in your shadow
And riding under your wings
And I am flying trusting the angels
And living in your covering
I am hiding here in your shadow
And riding under your wings
And I am flying trusting the angels
And living in your covering
And I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid


VERSES:

Psalm 91:14-16
"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

Psalm 50:14-15, 23
"Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving
And pay your vows to the Most High;
Call upon Me in the day of trouble;
I shall rescue you, and you will honor Me."

(23)
"He who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me;
And to him who orders his way aright I shall show the salvation of God."

Mom, me, and GW

To get the "GW" part, you'll have to read Real Live Update.

Anyway, here we are on our little vacation. It was so fun!!

This Just In on Kelli

I'm a "people person." :-)

No really, that might seem like the weirdest/dumbest thing ever because anyone who knows me knows that, but really... I was reading some other peoples' blogs today and I was thinking about folks I saw over the weekend. We're all into something, right? Indie rock, journalism, food, unmentionable things, our kids, photography, sports, etc. But I'm totally into people. I think it's my biggest interest. I feel so confused... how can a person be into people? But I am... even as a hobby at times. I suppose I have other interests, but even those are more fun when I'm doing them with people I enjoy... I feel so weird... I'm into people. I'm going to go be confused about myself now. Is this as odd to anyone else as it is to me?

GO HILLMEN!!

I'm totally pumped!! I'm heading down to the Natatorium on the UW campus tonight to watch some of my girls swim at the state meet. Yeah, I know that I didn't coach this year, but they're my girls, I just share them now. ;-)

GOOD LUCK TO JANELLE, ELISE, MOLLY AND BRITTANY! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!

Watch for comments and I'll tell you how it goes. Honestly, I can't tell you how excited I am!

Real Live Update

So I haven't really said too much on here lately. There have been Random posts from time to time with Random dogs, Random birthdays, etc., but not much of substance. Maybe you'd like to know what I've been up to since Kansas City, eh? At least by now maybe some people's love has grown cold of this blog and it will allow for me to be more personal and uncaring of the way things come out. I hope so.

So let's take it back a bit. My trip to Kansas City was really fun. I spent a lot of time with Brigitte and her friends and we even got free tickets to a Kansas City Royals game. It was fun to see a game at a stadium outside of WI because I don't know if I ever have before (with baseball, that is). I also went on a 'wild' motorcycle ride, which was a blast! I had some good time in the prayer room with the Lord, but I have to say looking back that I was kind of trying to go there to fix myself, I think. If we're honest, sometimes we just walk with Jesus because we know we should. We want to because we know deep down inside there's a passion, but he's just not fitting right in our lives like he once was. I think I was trying to get all convicted. I'm not saying it was an all together bad idea. When we are not feeling like walking the walk as hardcore as we once were, it's good to try and get out of your routine and do something about it. Thankfully that didn't 'fix' me though. I'll explain that comment in a bit.

What else? Well, I guess since then I've experienced how much work picks up during the school year, so I find myself very busy at work most of the time. This can be a big burden and a downer at times. I've also had a Board meeting in there, so that was craziness in terms of work load, but cool. As mentioned in previous posts, it was in Washington, D.C. and I took my mom for the first few days. We had a good time and it was a vacation we'll never forget because it was ours. Just ours. :-) I should post up the sweet picture we got in front of the White House. GW was in it and everything. No he wasn't... I just thought it'd be fun to say that. ha ha So anyway... I'm pretty busy and I think it will stay that way till the holidays.

I heard about an internship at the House of Prayer for All Nations, which was great because another program I was interested in doing at my church wasn't going to work out in my schedule this fall. It's been amazing. Through it I've realized more of why I'm here and I've stopped pouting about the fact that I wanted to move to Kansas City. God has really shown me how this was all part of his wonderful plan. I finally feel like I'm so glad to be here! :-) Not necessarily all the time, but it's so much better now. Now I just need a few more friends. (-:
I also began a dance ministry with my new friend Naomi and some students she knows. That's been awesome and God has been pulling us out of what's comfortable and it is really healing.

So yeah... that's a lot of it. My intership is really where I'm meeting God and the House of Prayer is where I feel he is calling me in Madison. Aside from that, the Lord's been working in me in the secret place of my heart. I'm realizing more and more the importance of dying to yourself and setting up guards in the places where you are tempted to sin (yeah, even the 'little' ones) and where you are vulnerable to attack. I feel I had been lazy about this before. I tell you, if we will not resolve to contend for intimacy with Christ, it will not just happen to us. He longs to be there and he is there with us, but we need to die to and fast from the things of this world or this life will consume us instead. It's a day-to-day thing. That's why I'm glad God didn't just 'fix' me when I was at IHOP - because I needed to meet him in the ordinary, the day-to-day. I needed to be more serious about the living it out part. I'm not saying I'm there yet, but He is so faithful and wonderful to show us THE WAY. Sometimes people think about all that they'd give up if they followed Jesus with a resolve, an uncompromised fire in their heart and it's hard. We wonder why we have to give up these things that don't seem to matter all that much. I think that way sometimes, too, but my curiousity has gotten the best of me - what would I give up if I didn't follow him that way? What would life be like if I just tried it for a while? I'll tell you what... maybe people would meet their Maker, maybe people would see their Maker and fall in love, maybe nations would change, the sick and dying wouldn't be sick and wouldn't be dying anymore, maybe the hungry would actually get food, and maybe a motherless child would find a home? Isn't it worth a try? To God be the Glory... to God be the Everything. Just give him everything... I guess that's what's deep in my heart and I'm just getting to the point where I want it to be real, not just a desire.

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, "BUT THE RIGHTEOUS man SHALL LIVE BY FAITH."

~Romans 1:16-17

Shelby meets Jack

Jesus said,

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.


Matthew 6:33

Off to D.C.

Well, I'm off to Washington D.C. at 6:00 in the morning tomorrow. I am going to the Board Meeting for the organization I work for. This meeting is the reason I have not posted much, if anything really, in the past month. It will be my first trip to D.C., so I'm really looking forward to it. I got so excited about it, I invited my mom. She's coming. Crazy, eh? :-)

I'll be back home on Monday.

Peace and blessings to all of you while I'm gone.

The Good Place of Confession

Job 42

Job's Confession
1Then Job answered the LORD and said,
2"I know that You can do all things,
And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.
3'Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?'
"Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand,
Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know."
4'Hear, now, and I will speak;
I will ask You, and You instruct me.'
5"I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear;
But now my eye sees You;
6Therefore I retract,
And I repent in dust and ashes."

God Restores Job's Fortunes
10The LORD restored the fortunes of Job when he prayed for his friends, and the LORD increased all that Job had twofold.
11Then all his brothers and all his sisters and all who had known him before came to him, and they ate bread with him in his house; and they consoled him and comforted him for all the adversities that the LORD had brought on him. And each one gave him one piece of money, and each a ring of gold.

12The LORD blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning; and he had 14,000 sheep and 6,000 camels and 1,000 yoke of oxen and 1,000 female donkeys.

13He had seven sons and three daughters.

14He named the first Jemimah, and the second Keziah, and the third Keren-happuch.

15In all the land no women were found so fair as Job's daughters; and their father gave them inheritance among their brothers.

16After this, Job lived 140 years, and saw his sons and his grandsons, four generations.

17And Job died, an old man and full of days

Well, that explains it.

There! I've done it - explained the reason why I have entitled this Blog "At Random." I haven't posted in 21 days. I knew that I would post randomly, so I just thought I'd come right out and say it.

So, I've got a confession to make. I was in the lunchroom this morning, wanting to get my coffee, but it was out. No problem - anyone can brew it and I have before. I opened up the drawer where they keep the coffee and noticed that somebody left a package half full and nicely folded in the drawer. I was immediately reminded of a blog post by a one Michael H.G. not too long ago entitled "Your Regular Old Pot of Coffee Just Got Better" in which he describes how he and a co-worker realized that the key to changing their work-place-coffee from mediocre to good simply meant adding two more scoops of grounds. I took the liberty of putting the normal amount in, then adding the rest of the other bag. The brew was very strong, but oh so good! Thanks Mike! ;-)

(I didn't stick around to see what any co-workers, thought... probably best.)

I'd like to tell you that it made me all jittery, etc. but it just isn't so.