Well, you probably noticed that "At Random" got a new look. :) I got kind of sick of the other template a while ago and decided today, for no apparent reason, was the day to try out another template. Alas!
To be honest, I'm pretty depressed lately. :( I've been working at a charter school since September/October sometime? and over "winter" break, one person quit and another quit within a few days after we started back. We were already short staffed at the time, but that was a HUGE hit. Long story short, I'm going on week four as a high school teacher working with inner-city "at-risk" students.
I have had next to no training and/or direction from my team leader or my supervisor, my school has this really odd way of "redirecting" behavior that is not working for me and there are about 30 9t-11th graders assigned to my room. I wish they would come to school, but on the other hand it's nice that I only have about 20 kids who show regularly. IT IS INSANE!
One might ask, "Kelli, why don't you quit?" The answer is, I don't really know. :-/ I really like the people I work with and I LOVE these kids, which keeps me going there day after day, but I'm clearly not cut out for this. I'm thankful that I've realized the students are too smart to hurt me, but they are truly out of control. One day my buddy "R" was in the back of the class yelling "Ms. Wood, yo class is out of control! How you not control yo class?! This class is out of control!" and I nodded in agreement as I had three students running around the room having a "book fight" (yes, throwing textbooks at each other) and others rapping at me. Sometimes I think, "this is probably what a non-medicated psych ward looks like." The only thing I can really do is write up a 3-day suspension for the kids who are out of control, then try to deal with them the rest of the day. I can't even kick them out of class because there's no place for them to go.
Today one of my favorite and most-helpful students flipped on me. She's 15 and pregnant, so I can't imagine what made her so moody ;), but she got mad at me for giving her letters (our "redirection" strategy) that she didn't agree with and she went off on me. Ouch. You lose one who's your "pet" and you've lost 'em all!
I want so badly to help these kids and to teach them something that will help them in life, but I'm obviously not cut out for this. I get defeated and discouraged every day and every day I go home with the reality that I taught them nothing. :-/ I'm at a loss for what to do with them, but if I quit they're going to feel I'm quitting on them when in reality I'd be quitting on the school, who I don't feel has equipped me or supported me as I've stepped in for a few weeks. Part of my problem in the classroom is addressing their hurt and anger about their previous advisor bailing out on them. Often times the most stable environment an inner-city youth has is the school. It's really sad. :( But they still need to learn to behave!
When I first agreed to step into this role, I was working about 28 hours a week, which was perfect. I still had time to do other things that are really on my heart to do. Ever since agreeing to this job, I work 8 hours a day at school (sometimes more) and then I take 2-3 hours of work home with me every night. I also have no prep period. I get 15 minutes to eat lunch and catch the toilet in the middle of the day. Otherwise I'm with the students ALL DAY. So I have these ridiculous expectations on me to complete work that's never really been explained to me and they won't pay me for more than 8 hours of work in a day. I found out last week, by visiting the WI Dept. of Labor website, that this is illegal (as I suspected) and that I'm actually due time and a half for everything over 8 hours I worked over the past 3.5 weeks. So I have this thing weighing heavy on my heart because there is some pretty serious economic injustice going on AND it's illegal and I am totally convicted that I can't allow it - for myself or anyone else. So how do you handle that one?!
There's so much... just so much. I'm really overwhelmed. I don't mean to jump on here and complain complain complain, but that's really what's going on with me lately and I could really use some prayer...
My mom and I always say to each other "what a tangled web we weave." Indeed.
